Dulcimer Project:
week 6
I have been
staying pretty diligent in my playing. However, my ability has seemed to have
plateaued. Of course one of the issues
with learning anything is the progression. I am reading Sudo’s “Zen Guitar” and
he mentions this. According to Sudo we tend to forecast or anticipate the end
goal when we should be focusing on the moment. The holistic and organic nature
of creation should be the goal for the moment, as in finding one’s own sound.
What I about to
describe is somewhat difficult to anyone that may not play a string instrument
or have attempted to learn. However, I will do my best to translate.
When I first
started playing the notes on the page, each note represented a finger movement.
That is to say, when I saw a note I cognitively transmitted this information to
my finger and my finger pressed down on that note: fantastic right? Check that
one off the list. However, it further attempts to play in an advanced fashion
has proven to be difficult. Why? Because you can have three or four fingers
resting on the same string as long as it fits within the framework of the
sequence of notes.
That is to say, if
I am playing a 24232 sequence, my finger never has to leave the second fret, I
can then manipulate the remaining chords without taking my finger off the fret
itself. This may seem logical and simple for most persons. However, I thought
it was a significant breakthrough. You see, as before, I would tend to shuffle
and lift my finger off the chord EVERY time I saw a chord. This made it very
difficult to maneuver from one chord to the next.
So I told a friend
who plays guitar that I was working on this project and starting laughing and
said that I will have many more breakthroughs like this in the forthcoming
months. This is exciting news. He said that it was part of the natural process
and that I should just enjoy what I am doing, solidified both Sudo and my
current mental state.
Some people may
ask me why I hadn’t told him before. The answer would be “criticism” or the
fear that someone may criticize the work that I am doing. It is the internal
voice, that cruel bastard that tells you that it is not good enough, fast
enough, or even that it may be impossible. This fear of being judged is a tremendous
hurdle when it comes to the journey of creativity. In addition, it is the
perfectionist in me that tells me I shouldn’t let anyone know until I have made
significant strides in mastering the dulcimer.
This practice has
been a crutch for most of my adult life. Indeed, this habit was started when I
began to draw and paint. You see, creating this world where I was in complete
control gave me the ability of empowerment when I didn’t have any. It allowed
me to see the world and its possibilities without the external judgment. The
judgment itself was one that I was trying to escape. Therefore, it makes
perfect sense that I would be guarded and unable to relinquish my work or even
discuss it prior to its completion.
This is something
that I am working on, but seems almost impossible to accomplish. See , even
here I am using defeatist language in support of not achieving my goal . I
could certainly take this internal thought out of the context of the blog.
However, I think it is necessary to keep it more of a free flow and not rely on
self-editing to conflict with the process itself.
This is it for
now. I am moving forward and will catch up with all of you later. Thank you for
your time and have a wonderful and productive-or not productive day.
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